The Unsurprising Surprise
How to bring home a baby less than 24 hours after finding out they exist.
No TL;DR on this one. Just a peek inside the unconventional way our little one joined our family.
I don’t share many personal stories here, but today’s a special day.
Today is the 3rd anniversary of when we became a family of four.
Both of our boys joined us through unconventional adoptions.
Our oldest son joined our family through a private international adoption in 2014. We were one of the last families permitted to do this in the US. The law changed literally days after we received our approval.
We had always planned to have more than one kiddo, but years went by of various holdups, including financial and professional woes.
Finally, in 2021, we had found some stability. We had accepted that if God’s plan was for us to stay a one-kid family, so be it. But why not revisit adoption? Especially when our son was begging to become an older brother.
We decided to look into domestic infant adoption and found an agency in Dallas that we liked because they had 2 programs:
One for serving mamas who needed support with raising their babies on their own.
One for serving mamas whose circumstances led them to place their babies for adoption.
We liked the ethics behind this model. If a mama can raise her baby with some support, then that’s best for her and baby. But if not, we wanted to be available. We always felt like we needed to be the “end of the rope” option.
Here’s how it was “supposed” to go:
Step 1. Get approved for adoption (home study, training, and such). Usually takes a few months if you’re proactive, which we were.
Step 2. Wait.
Step 3. Have your profile book shown to an expecting birth mom.
Step 4. She decides whether she wants to meet with you.
Step 5. Meet, probably multiple times.
Step 6. She picks you for placement. (If she picks someone else, you go back to Step 2.)
Step 7. Once you’re matched, you can apply for grants to help cover costs. Most grants only award $$$ to families who are in this “matched and waiting for birth” period.
Step 8. Get house ready for baby’s arrival. Keep up-to-date with birth mama.
Step 9. Birth happens. Under Texas law, birth mama has 48 hours to decide if she wants to parent or sign over her rights. (If she decides to parent, then you go back to Step 2.)
Step 10. Sign guardianship paperwork. Take baby home.
Step 11. Six months of home visits. (There is often a chance in this phase that the birth father comes forward and petitions to parent the child. If that happens, then you go back to Step 2.)
Step 12. Court date. Adoption finalized. Baby’s name officially changes.
We did our home study and training pretty quickly. And then Step 2 dragged on for nearly a year.
In December of 2021, our agency updated us: “We have no women in the adoption program currently. Just keep up your training hours and we’ll keep you posted.”
While we wondered how much longer we’d have to wait, we also weren’t too stressed. As 2022 arrived, Christa started working as a travel planner, getting that business off the ground and I was still working 9-to-5 in sales while also ghostwriting/editing books on the side.
We tried to look at the bright side: “This will give us more time to prepare and save up some money so we don’t have to apply for as many grants. Maybe we can even fit in one more family vacation as a family of three.”
On January 16th, at 10:20 p.m., our caseworker called. “The social worker at one of our partner hospitals called us. A young woman walked in, in labor, and asked about adoption. I spent several hours with her today, walking her through the process. We offered her the opportunity for our parenting program but she’s set on placing for adoption. Can I show her your profile book tomorrow?”
We said yes.
January 17th, 2:00 p.m., we were hanging out at our favorite coffee shop while our son was in gymnastics. Phone rings. We walk outside.
“She picked you. We’ll have more info soon, but you’re bringing home a baby boy tonight.”
My wife and I kissed, crying tears of joy. “We have a son. We have another son!”
[Insert mad rush to Target for all the things we still hadn’t bought: stroller, carseat, bottles. You know, little things . . . ]
We went from Step 2 to Step 10 in the span of 24 hours. Which, by the way, meant we were not going to qualify for any grants.
[Side quest: Our incredible, amazing community came together, and combined with what we had saved up already, we raised the full placement and legal fees in about two weeks’ time. All glory to God. We didn’t need grants. We needed faith.]
Our little MJ came home a wrinkly baby in preemie diapers and clothes. Today, he’s our deep-thinking introvert who loves cars, the ocean, mac n’ cheese, and ice cream. He comes out of his shell for the right jam and also at Disney (his favorite park is EPCOT).
When people say, “How could you have been surprised when you were in the adoption process?” this is the story we tell. Unsurprising because we wanted to grow our family . . . surprising because we thought it would still be months and months before that would happen.
With MJ, our family finally felt complete. He’s the best plot twist we could ask for.
[If you’ve ever thought about adopting or know someone considering it, always happy to share some insights. Or you can go buy my wife’s book Before You Adopt: A Guide to The Questions You Should Be Asking, which has helped thousands of people figure out their adoption plans.]
And if you want to connect further and talk about books and storytelling, then grab a free 20-minute Q&A slot and let’s chat.
Until next time, keep telling your story.
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